I think I’m going to take the summer to work on improving myself. Firstly, I need to start exercising again. I’m not unhappy with the way that I look, but if I’m being honest with myself I can do better and the only reason I haven’t been is sheer laziness. After this weekend (disaster), I’m kind of blah on going out as much as I have been. I’ve actually slowed down a lot on the partying, but I’m realizing I can bring it almost to a standstill and be perfectly fine. I was throwing back drinks like I should be in AA and the most I felt was a slight buzz. That’s a problem. The clubs are always the same. Same ratchet, unattractive people. Same shitty music. I’m SO good with not going out for a good couple of months. Grabbing drinks with a few friends at a bar or something to catch up/hang out, cool. Going hard and guzzling cocktails at the club just to make the experience fun, not cool. I’d just rather save my money to take trips and go in on those than spend money on alcohol almost every weekend. I felt like such an old man this weekend and I was totally okay with it. I think I’m just getting burnt out.
Also, I don’t believe anyone who claims to “like” or “really like” me anymore. As a matter of fact, the more someone says it, the more I’m going to disbelieve it. I just got out of a situation dating someone who claimed that shit all the time (almost excessively) and then dropped ME like a sack of bricks. You were the one being all clingy and wanting to commit. I was fine just fucking around and hanging out like we were. Then you say all this shit about how you want to stay friends and hang out, but when I show up the same place you are this weekend, you come out, look DEAD AT ME, and traipse past with your friends. The fuck?! And I was SETTLING FOR YOU. You were lucky I gave you the time of day, then you try to play me out not once, but twice… then through texts you wanna be all friendly. Let me know what to expect because if you want to ignore people, I can give you something to ignore like a brick through your windshield.
Sorry, I didn’t mean for that rant at the end, but dammit, it’s hard for me to forgive. I’ve realized that I need to work on that. I tend to just try and forget things and move on without the forgiveness part. Then I get irritated all over again when the person pops up and thinks all is well.
Anyway, my tumblr therapy session has come to an end. Everyone have a good and productive week!